the temptation of adam


Been listening to this a lot recently . . .


at the tree farm




Christmas is a very good time of the year, and it's just beginning. (Listening to this & this.)

Yesterday we picked a tree and spent the evening decorating it. Tomorrow I am back at school for the remaining three weeks. But right now I am happily talking in the kitchen with my brother as he makes us curried lentils and sweet potatoes and the Christmas tree lights are blinking on and off in the background in their usual rhythmic pattern. Grateful to be here, now.

"Right where you are is holy ground."
(Richard Foster)


without my contriving


At the Gryphon with a soy milk latte and everything feels right with the world. Grateful for some time far far away from school, even away from home, to process life and think and write and pray. The more I live the more I know I need time like this.

This is on my mind today:

"Do no let your peace depend on what people say of you, for whether they speak good or ill of you makes no difference to what you are. True peace and joy is found in [Christ] alone. He who is neither anxious to please nor afraid to displease men enjoys true peace. All unrest of heart and distraction of mind spring from disorderly affections and groundless fears."
(Thomas A'Kempis, The Inner Life)

And this:

"I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me.
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels
into the open sea."

(Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God)

Oh Rilke.

Oh to live without contriving, with no forcing and no holding back. To listen better. To the world. To nature. To people. To God. To love openly and freely. To not be concerned with myself and my wants and my needs and my insecurities and all the meddlesome my things. To live without distraction of mind and unrest of heart. To pay attention. To be free of all disordered love. To live in complete self-abandonment to you.

Awake my soul and sing.



In the studio

photography studio. dorm room. library.