the temptation of adam

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Been listening to this a lot recently . . .

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at the tree farm

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Christmas is a very good time of the year, and it's just beginning. (Listening to this & this.)

Yesterday we picked a tree and spent the evening decorating it. Tomorrow I am back at school for the remaining three weeks. But right now I am happily talking in the kitchen with my brother as he makes us curried lentils and sweet potatoes and the Christmas tree lights are blinking on and off in the background in their usual rhythmic pattern. Grateful to be here, now.

"Right where you are is holy ground."
(Richard Foster)
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without my contriving

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At the Gryphon with a soy milk latte and everything feels right with the world. Grateful for some time far far away from school, even away from home, to process life and think and write and pray. The more I live the more I know I need time like this.

This is on my mind today:

"Do no let your peace depend on what people say of you, for whether they speak good or ill of you makes no difference to what you are. True peace and joy is found in [Christ] alone. He who is neither anxious to please nor afraid to displease men enjoys true peace. All unrest of heart and distraction of mind spring from disorderly affections and groundless fears."
(Thomas A'Kempis, The Inner Life)

And this:

"I believe in all that has never yet been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for
may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me.
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,
streaming through widening channels
into the open sea."

(Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke's Book of Hours: Love Poems to God)

Oh Rilke.

Oh to live without contriving, with no forcing and no holding back. To listen better. To the world. To nature. To people. To God. To love openly and freely. To not be concerned with myself and my wants and my needs and my insecurities and all the meddlesome my things. To live without distraction of mind and unrest of heart. To pay attention. To be free of all disordered love. To live in complete self-abandonment to you.

Awake my soul and sing.
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today

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photography studio. dorm room. library.

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on prayer | 1

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[Starting a little collection of quotes & things on prayer.]

"Losing one's way and then finding it may mimic the cyclical nature of depression, but it is also part of the natural rhythm of day and night, of the waxing and waning moon, and of seeding and harvesting. However true and even beautiful this turning of times and seasons may be, I tend to resist it as a necessary aspect of spiritual life. Monastic writers have always emphasized that maintaining a life of prayer means being willing to start over, after one has acted in a sinful or destructive way. Both pride and acedia will assert themselves, and it may appear that we are so far gone we may as well give up and not embarrass ourselves further by pretending to be anything but failures. It seems foolish to believe that the door is still open, that there is always another chance. I may accept this intellectually, but I have come to appreciate its depths only through experience. Just when I seem to have my life in balance and imagine I can remain in this happy state forever, I lose sight of the value of contemplation and prayer, and try to live without it. Soon enough, once again, I am picking myself up out of the ashes."

(Kathleen Norris, Acedia and Me)
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baked oatmeal recipes

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Just look at all these scrumptious baked oatmeal recipes from A Beautiful Mess. I told my Mom over fall break that I wish I could just increase the size of my stomach for a few days, because the amount of cooking I wanted to do didn't equal the amount of food my stomach can hold for three days. So the pumpkin spice oatmeal will just have to wait until Thanksgiving break . . .

(Oh, but. I did try a pumpkin chai latte with almond milk at the airport on my trek back to school on Tuesday. And oh my goodness - it is a tasty little drink. I'm scheming my way to get another one soon.)

[picture from A Beautiful Mess]
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ten good things

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grateful for all this. and more.

01. homemade cinnamon almond biscotti
02. wind on my face at dusk on an autumn evening
03. conversations on swing sets in the moonlight
04. walking through the baggage terminal and seeing my mother's face
05. sleep sleep sleep mmmm
06. a (rare) positive comment from my photography professor
07. cooking alone in a quiet sun-bathed kitchen
08. snuggling down in between my own familiar gingham sheets (they always smell right)
09. a little sketchbook from a dear friend
10. face to face late night talks with amy

one more day at home [a run with derek, apple picking, reading, shopping, walking in the woods?] - and then back to school. not sure if I am ready for another round.

and these words:

"Don't just do something, sit there.
And so I have, so I have.
The seasons curling around me like smoke,
Gone to the end of the earth and back without sound."
(Adam Zagajewski, from My Aunts)

oh, and these images + text.

[picture from last fall on campus]
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